It's not always about the numbers

Your name was called and 

you stood up immediately

The past seven years of course

allowed you to master the drill

Out of excitement or maybe anxiety

You brought nothing with you

The boss said maybe it's a good thing

So you wont get to calculate anything

With a slight smirk you shake your head

You tell him, I can do it mentally instead

He recites the standard speech

That he memorized this morning

The only thing that sticks with you

Is that the numbers are final

And before you know it, the numbers were out

Initially it sounded good, you let a sigh of relief

He then went to the next step

Which left you confused at first

Did I hear the numbers right

This must be some kind of mistake

He went through it again for your sake

There was no denying it

Your mind's calculation was correct

Single-digit rate, far lower than expected

You had to ask yourself

Why am I still here again?

But then again, it wasn't like you weren't warned

The past seven years of course

Allowed you to master the drill

You just need to look at it as a whole

The numbers are final after all

It didn't sink in until you were back at your desk

All of a sudden, tears were rolling down your cheeks

Did you expect too much, aren't you being ungrateful?

Why does it even matter, you probably received more than most people

Young and underpaid, 

Haven't you accepted that long ago?

It has always been a fact

But it never stopped you from working hard

So why let it bother you now?

You look around you and 

you see the smile on the faces of your team,

These are people that you hired,

These are people you've trained since day one

You look at them working collectively

in awe of how each of one them has grown

You then realize that those numbers

Interesting and tangible as they may be

Will never tell you the whole story

Cliche as it may sound, your fulfillment comes

From things other than those figures

Haven't you learned anything

In the past seven years?

You've always known about greener pastures

But you'll always choose the side

Where happiness is effortless

So let today be a reminder

Of why it was worth it to stay

After all this time, and why it still is

The good will always outdo the bad

Today was an opportunity for me to look back and remember why I stayed after all this time, and why it was and still is worth it.

Long Distance

There will be a time...

When see you soon

won't mean a facetime call

When a goodnight kiss 

Won't be a tiny emoji

When 3 months worth of movie dates 

Won't be crammed in one weekend

When my good morning message is a whisper

Not read but heard

There will be a time...

When I will know what you're having for dinner 

Because we cooked it together

Not because I saw it on a picture

When a proud moment is shared

With a squeeze of my hand

Not by the like button on instagram

There will be a time

When i will be the last face you'll see

before you fall asleep

And you'll be next to me 

as the sun rises

I know that time will come

But for now, 

This will have to do

If The Ground Moves

O

Saturday night situation:

Enthralled by the beautiful poetry and artwork of my cousin Tanya while enjoying a bowl of fettucine alfredo with that sinful buttery slice of donut on the side.

Para kanino ka bumabangon?

One would think that after doing this for seven years, i would be immune to it by now- the coming and the going, packing and unpacking, the hug that leaves a lump on my throat, holding back the tears while driving to the airport. Well I can say that I have somehow gotten used to it. Normally the separation anxiety lasts about 3 hours max. The drive to the airport, the waiting at the pre departure area, the actual duration of the flight. As soon as as the city's skyscrapers come to view and the tires hit the runway, I'm over it. It's like something switches me back to being a citygirl and I feel happy to be back.

It's different this time though. The sadness lasted longer than expected, like my system forgot to reboot to a different mode. Even after walking around burgos circle, taking in the polluted air and walking past the call center crowd on yosi break, I still found myself clinging to the idea of being back home. And it stayed with me until I dozed off.

When I woke up the next day, I was finally okay. I looked forward to seeing my team, and to putting my plans for 2015 into action. It wasn't just that. A huge part of me was excited to get to work because there are bigger and bolder dreams to achieve this year, for my dad and my whole family.

Para kanino ka bumabangon? Para sa kanila 

Within me, there's something stronger, something better, pushing right back

I wish I found this poem before I wrote my 2014 year-ender entry. It pretty much sums up everything.

Today is my first working day for 2015.

I am all geared up and ready to begin my quest for #goodtogreat.

Thank you, 2014

For the most of this year, it felt like the world was spinning at a pace that I couldn't quite keep up with.

There was always something happening somewhere, events to attend, people to catch-up with, friends to support, places to visit and long overdue to-do list items. And up to the final month of the year, when things are normally expected to slow down (except for the Christmas shopping), time continued to rush at the same pace. Dinner after dinner dinner, one party came came after another; the weekends just weren't enough anymore for my exhausted body to recover.

Fortunately, i got to spend the last eight days of the year in my hometown and I finally got my much-needed downtime. The laid-back life in the province allowed me to get lots of sleep, and the hours I spent inside my old room was the perfect chance for me to clear my head and reflect.

As with every other year, I capped off 2013 with a sense of conviction that I was ready for anything that could happen in the coming year. (But don't we all?) Life or course never fails to surprise me as it has impeccable timing in shaking my world right exactly when I'm feeling so "chill" and complacent. I consider myself as somewhat a risktaker and I do like pushing myself, but the emotional rollercoaster ride that 2014 laid out for me was something I never would have signed up for. Sharp turns, dive drops and inverted loops filled my days until there was no other choice but to simply go along with the ride. Let go and Let God take control, as most people will say, and I learned just how true that was from first-hand experience. It wasn't all bad though. There were tears, lots of it, from frustration, from sadness, but there were also those that were triggered by pleasant surprises. And it was those moments that got me through, because with every disappointment and with every painful experience, I felt God working his miracle through people He intentionally placed in my life to help me keep the faith.

In the past four years, I watched myself go through various kinds of heartbreak, emerging as stronger and wiser after each one, convinced that I wouldn't mind going through it all again because it made me a better person. This time I'm not gonna lie. The type of heartbreak that I experienced in 2014 is not something I would want to experience if I had a choice, in fact I wouldn't wish it for anyone. But it happened, it's there and I can't deny it, sometimes I still see traces of it which I just choose to ignore. I have learned to look the other way when necessary because if there's one thing that 2014 taught me, it's that forgiveness doesn't happen overnight; it's a long process, a decision that you commit to every single day until you can finally say that you are completely healed.

It's been one heck of a rollercoaster ride 2014. More than any other year, you taught me how to keep my eyes open to the little miracles in a sea of bad days.

I will always be grateful oh Lord, for blessing me beyond what I can imagine, beyond what I've claimed. 

And I think there's no better way to show my gratitude, than to strive for bigger and bolder dreams, and being a blessing myself to others while I'm at it.

Watch out 2015, my #goodtogreat quest is about to begin. :)